My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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