you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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