Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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