On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Terrible idea I love it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
