Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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