Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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