im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
