So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
