this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
