So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
