Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
