how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
