I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
