At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
