she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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