Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
