im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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