Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
