I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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