Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
