Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
