Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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