Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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