I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
