im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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