But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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