I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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