Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
