It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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