i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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