4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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