I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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