why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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