tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
