did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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