exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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