I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
