help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
