Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
