do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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