i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
