I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
