Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
