I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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