She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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