woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
