Yo dont text me then not text me
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
