Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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