party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My ATM looks so different sober.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
