what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
