do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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