yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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