New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
